The Life of Soul Ajax

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2010-11-22T01:31:00.000-08:00

This is an awesome money saving blog.

Drug Finder .Info Search Engine

2007-05-02T23:46:00.001-07:00

Specialized personal drug info search engine. Find factual information for legal prescription and illegal recreational drugs. Includes a community with discussion forums, articles, news, and other informative resources. Focus is harm reduction / harm minimization on safe drug and medicine use for all ages.

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32 Resources On Ways to Break Through Internet Censorship - China, Iran, Cu

2007-03-30T09:24:00.001-07:00

These are links and programs to break through countries who censor Internet or block web sites or pages, such as the Great Firewall of China.

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Video of Barbara Boxer politely tearing Jim Inhofe a new one (video)

2007-03-23T23:54:00.003-07:00

Boxer (Democrat) tells Inhofe (Republican) who is boss now to the bemusement of onlookers. LOL

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Video of Barbara Boxer politely tearing Jim Inhofe a new one (video)

2007-03-23T23:54:00.001-07:00

Boxer (Democrat) tells Inhofe (Republican) who is boss now to the bemusement of onlookers. LOL

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It's Been an 'All Out War' on Pot Smokers for 35 Years

2007-03-22T07:32:00.001-07:00

Thirty-five years ago this month, a congressionally mandated commission on U.S. drug policy did something extraordinary: They told the truth about marijuana.

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On Death Being 'Final'...

2006-01-18T02:46:00.000-08:00

Ever since I was young, I've thought obsessively about death being 'final'. When I was six years old I would ponder in bed at night before falling asleep how after I died, death would be final. That I would never exist in any way again. I'm talking about everything that comprises 'me' (or anyone) -- right now.

I simply can't buy into the concept of an 'afterlife' or 'Heaven' or 'Hell'. Though I would be willing to believe, if it seemed logical. But I think that humans are animals, albeit smarter than a dog. But a dog dies and is finished, and thus, I assume that the same is true for a human.

Considering that some humans use to believe that 'Heaven' was in the clouds. And since we, as a human race have disproved that in the clouds is not a Heaven, but rather outer space lies beyond the clouds and our atmosphere. When I recognize the billions of galaxies in the known universe with solar systems (extrasolar) outside of our own. I can't help but assume that other planets harbor life, but we can't specifically see it yet. It's not only a question of 'why do we matter', but in terms of death, why does it matter if humans on Earth die? What special circumstances will happen to us, that wouldn't happen to 'type x' species on planet 'far, far away'?

Physically, my brain is in control of my body. After 'I' (or anyone) dies, my brain will cease to function. How can 'I' (or anybody) still exist after this happens?

Some people believe in spirits and ghosts. However, there's no real proof of this, so how can there be any proof of any sort of afterlife?

Back to my original point at the start of this thread. When I think about everything that 'I' am being 'lost forever'. I become quite scared. Knowing that I exist right now, but knowing that my existence won't be forever is quite frightening.

Jan., 2006

2006-01-16T16:56:00.000-08:00

everyday I want to wake up to you
and do it again (the day)
our day together
in the sun and humidity
we love each other more than we loved before
we'd not be the same if we didn't meet
or were never born
we need each other
everyday I want to wake up to you
and it over again (the day)

Horrible Sadness... Broken hearted still...

2006-01-16T01:51:00.000-08:00

I should be keeping busy. Instead I feel apathetic. Like I've imprisioned tears all day. At night as I sit here alone thinking of how she broke my heart and destroyed my plans I just think of the deep love that I felt for her that is now split in two like a fault line after an earthquake. It was Earth shattering to find out how she had been lieing to me and cheating on me with another guy while I was away for just a few months. She was trying to love two guys at the same time. Lieing to everyone around her, at 17, she didn't feel like anything was wrong with what she was doing. That is until I found out about her dishonesty and so did the other guy and the other guy dumped her on her arse. He didn't love her anyways, but I have to sit here - broken hearted.

Loving You - Please Just Read This One Thing....

2006-01-13T03:06:00.000-08:00

I was just crying in the arms of a friend here in Portland. I was telling my friend about our amazing relationship together. I recalled about the night we first met. You were the funniest, craziest, and most beautiful person who I had ever seen. We laughed all night at the place with your friends listening to music and doing karaoke while we got drunk together. We left that night in the car with New and her boyfriend and went back to the apartment. We held each other close all night. I still remember how amazing you felt and how passionate your kisses are.

We talked about riding bicycles together (which we would later do at the park). Remember when you hit that defenseless little kid :P?

Remember when you told me NOT to wear shorts and flip-flops to work? But I did it anyways... (and got in big trouble). As you can see, I NEED you. I'm helpless without you.

We shared out life totally 100% together for at least four months living together on Sukhumvit. 98% of the places that we went, we went together. Even though we'd only go to Chinatown, Nana, and David's place; I still felt like every moment with you was special. I cherished "fighting" over doing the laundry together by hand. I loved playing Frisbee with you in Lumpini park. I knew that everyday after school you and I would be together all night. Remember when the building across the street caught on fire. You kept complaining for me to close the door because bugs would come in, but I just wanted to watch and take photographs.

We would go out to places like RCA on the weekends. I still remember when you and your farang friends from school brought David and I to that crappy club way down on Sukhumvit where the umbrella was stolen :P. I don't blame you for that, because it was probably just some crackhead who stole it :P.

I remember going to Chiang Rai with you. The roadtrip with your dad and stopping everywhere and sneaking in holding your hand when your dad wasn't looking. It was nice when we took the car outside of Chiang Rai and went hiking in the mountains. I'm sorry that I was rushing you to get back. I know that you just wanted to sit by that little pool a little bit longer.

I remember making love with you any time we wanted. Boy, that was heaven and paradise all-in-one. I could make love with you forever and never get bored.

Remember when we use to eat steak near your house? What about when we went to "the supermarket" on your motorbike a few blocks away from your house? The bike would always break, I think it's because your ass is so fat ;P ;) :P. Even though you dislike your dad. I really felt like I loved him because of how kind he was to me. Even though we took my passport when you and I secretly went off to David's? Remember the first time that we went to David's when we were living with your dad? I met you at 7(-11), and you picked me up. We had to park Hell far away from David's place because it was very expensive to park at David's building, LOL.

Remember when we had the pug on the bed? I remember the funny faces and noises that you would make trying to imitate the pug. Ever since I've been back in America, I try to make those same noises and faces when I'm being silly.

I remember when you told me that you were pregnant. I felt so excited thinking about what our son or daughter would look like. If she looked like you, she'd have half of the cutest eyes and soul in the world. I knew that you weren't ready to be a mommy.

I remember reading your secret letters to God and to me where you expelled all of your feelings held deep inside. You were so embarrassed that I read them. I'm sorry that I took the letters by force out of curiosity. Actually, it was a lot of fun fighting with you.

Remember when we spent the whole day at Dream World? You MADE me ride "Space Mountain" over and over. And.... I loved it. I loved it because I was with you. We both loved the water splash ride and we were both surprised by how wet we got. When I was playing the games with the darts, I really wanted to win the big stuffed teddy bear for you, so that I could impress you. Instead I won that little stuffed apple. But that apple was from my heart, because I'm an Apple. You were so scared when the stuntman took you from the audience to be in the live drama where people were "shooting" guns at you. I still have the photos of how excited your face was when the guy tried to "take" you. The balloon with the two little "bears" (meee) on it represented you and me. This was the happiest time of my life with you, because I was with you.

There's nobody else on Earth who I can fight with, disagree with, argue with, play fight with, name call with, and wrestle with except for YOU and still be in love. We shared everything together from the "good" to the "bad". But for me, even the "bad" was good.

Then I started to tell my friend about when we were at the airport. I swore to God to you that I would return to you and that you and I would be together. I guess that you didn't believe me. I guess that you were so afraid of being hurt by me (if I didn't come back to Thailand), that you were afraid of feeling so hurt. I knew that you were the ONE for me.

I remember your face and your eyes. The intense sense of fear and upset. I swear to God Paully, I knew that I would return to you. Because we love each other and you and I belong together.

Remember your grandma walking topless into my room all the time :P?

When you gave me the letters that you made when we lived in OUR apartment and at your dad's house (remember the ones you cut out?). I always thought that the piggy with the sunglasses was just like you :P. I would joke about you being fat and you would call me a "fat ass". You were the "bitch" and I was the "asshole". You still are the bitch and I'm still the asshole. I just wish that we could be together forever. I didn't believe in "forever" until I met you. Actually, I FORGOT about what "forever" really means. When I was 17, I believed in forever. After I met you, I started to believe in it again. I really believe in us being together forever.

I would be more "fun" and you could be more "open minded". Luckily, we are both young, even though we are almost 8 years apart in age. We can change! But the one thing that would never change is my love for you. Well, it COULD change, but only if I loved you more than I do now. I love you forever, Paully. Please come back to me :(.

You always listened to me so well, even though I am afraid of death and heights. You seemed so strong to me, because you were not afraid. I wanted to be like YOU (I still do).

I joked A LOT about you being stupid. But in reality, I wouldn't love you if I thought that was really true. It's not that I'm "serious" about the long-term as much as I want to let you know how much I feel like you are the love of my life.

You taught me "here, here" and I used that a lot whenever I tried to speak Thai. Though I can only say about 10 things in Thai ;D.

I can't imagine a more perfect family than you and I, and the pug. Even if we are in Bangkok, or Chiang Rai, or Koh Pha Ngan together - we would be a happy family together with our own life, because we've both promised to love each other forever. I understand you.

I miss Yum Yum :(. I remember what it felt like. Do you? We never fell out of love, we never will, and we'll always be in love. I mean it from the bottom of my asshole heart :(.

Shaun